Female on the Beach

"I WOULDN"T HAVE YOU IF YOU WERE HUNG WITH DIAMONDS UPSIDE DOWN!"
Many Joan Crawford fans, myself included, have literally waited decades for this film to come out on home video/DVD. Originally release as Universal's "Woman in Danger Series" in mid 2012, "Female on the Beach" is now available as a stand-alone film and it is worth every penny. Remastered from the studio master tape "Female on the Beach" was for many years a favorite of late-night viewers on the "Late, Late Show" on many TV stations and became a favorite on American Movie Classics.

Hitting theatres in 1955 "Female" deals with a lonely widow, Lynn Markham, who goes to her deceased husband's beach house, probably Malibu, and soon falls for a hunky gigalo played to perfection by Jeff Chandler (Crawford was dating him at the time). Filled with great lines, a beautiful wardrobe worn by Joan and a great supporting cast Joan stated years later, "It really wasn't a bad film, but the thing that hurt it was what hurts so many melodramas...the lack of credblity".

In the...

blast from the past
I have been wanting this movie for a long time. Such a good story. I don't know how Joan can exude such sex appeal. She was really not very good looking, but what an actress. You don't doubt for a minute that the leading man is mad for her. A very good copy. Perfect picture, good sound.

What are those men doing down there?
Just looking in the sand where a dead woman's body was taken away the night before. Welcome home, Joan! How do you like it so far?

And so begins this mid-fifties "melodrama" with Jeff Chandler, Natalie Schaefer, Cecil Kellaway and a few never-rans. It's not a bad film, but it's a stupid one. The dialogue, in my opinion, is far more campy than "Torch Song" or "Johnny Guitar". It's really just Crawford as another lonely, horny woman who first fights her desire for "Drummy" (Chandler) and then lets it all hang out for him. But is he a murderer?

While I don't begrudge anyone for giving five star ratings to Grade B films, I find it unfair to unsuspecting customers who don't know better to ascertain from these same five star reviews that this is a "great" film. It isn't. For Crawford fans ONLY!!!!!

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